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The Wal-Mart Song
I’ve written a new theme song for my local Wal-Mart, which I’m sure everyone will be able to relate to. Can you tell I’m bored at work today?
I Still Haven’t Found The Figures I’m Looking For
(With apologies to U2)I have shopped a thousand Wal-Marts;
I have run down the aisles,
Searching for something new.
I’m desperate for something new.No need to run,
No need to crawl.
I’m familiar with these dusty peg walls,
These same old peg walls,
Filled with NOTHING new…And I still haven’t found the figures I’m looking for…
Just the same old junk that I’ve seen before…I’m so sick of the Cantina Sets,
The 10 Zam Wessells, the Jango Fetts;
I’d like to set them on fire!
That’s my burning desire!I have spoke with the redneck manager,
About the dealer that I think is the devil.
I said it’s not right,
But he looks at me stoned…And I still haven’t found the figures I’m looking for…
Just Hot Wheels and Bey Blades scattered on the floor…I believe Hasbro’s dumb,
Cause with all these new figures, I haven’t found one;
Someone give me a gun!
They better start runnin’!Time to break the bank and
Loose the chains.
Looks like I have to shop,
On ebay…
Oh, my shame!
I have to pay for shipping….But I still haven’t found the figures I’m looking for…
And I can’t look at Djas Puhr any more…
Hey chubby dealer, wait up, hold that door….
Cause I still haven’t found the figures I’m looking for…. -
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