One-note clown returns to direct Transformers 5


Jedi Council Member
Aug 14, 2001
Los Angeles, CA
Bayhem is back. Baysplosions are go. Bayloney will fill the screen again.

August 11th, 2014, USA Today:
[Michael] Bay, 49, believes he will pass the baton for future Transformer movies to a new director while he turns his focus elsewhere.

"There's kind of a new chapter, a new direction in movies I want to make," says Bay, who is eyeing a passion project, a documentary on elephant poaching. "I have a lot of stories to tell. And it's about flexing new muscles."
January 5th, 2016, Rolling Stone via CinemaBlend:
I’m doing Transformers … 5, is it? I’ve taken on a lot of work. … It's fun to do a movie that 100 million people will see. But this is the last one. I have to pass the reins to someone else. J.J. [Abrams] told me, ‘You’re the only guy that could do this.’ But it’s time to move on. One more.
Every single one of these movies after the first Transformers '07 has been this hack's last one, says that he wants to take on gritty material that will cement him as a bigshot director. Yet every time he comes back because he doesn't really have the range as a director that he sees himself enjoying. Pain and Gain, did you see this? I couldn't even finish it. But at least his FIFTH Transformers film will be his "last". :rolleyes:

Lord Malakite

Jedi Council Member
Sep 30, 2001
Williamsburg, OH
All I got out of this was that we're going to get an elephant poaching movie with Bayplosions. The ivory is no good if you blow it up Bay.


Sith Knight
Aug 16, 2001
San Diego, CA
Transformers 5 - Michael Bay returns! (again)

Michael Bay is returning to make the 5th Transformers movie.

After he returned when he said he was done with the 3rd one. And after he returned when he said he was done with the 4th one!

We left off where:

Optimus Prime had left earth (still using Jetfire's parts (some of them) from ROTF to fly? Or flying for absolutely no reason that reconciles with TF 3 DOTM anyway (without Jetfire's parts - except that he incorporated them into his trailer in DOTM).

Galvatron had come into existence by Megatron tricking the CIA and Joshua's corporation into funding new tactical robots out of "transformium" - another completely stupid plot device - so that now these Transformers don't actually transform, just reconfigure as a bunch of pinballs. (They should mop the floor with the Autobots if that continues).

Decepticons - consist of a bunch of designer cars made out of pinballs. (Maybe they can at least call them Stunticons and Galvatron (who controls them all) will replace MotorMaster (who never exists in the film franchise) as Menasaur's core. Except he's not Menasaur but "Super-Galvatron," capable of kicking Dinobot butt.

Dinobots - there are only 4 as established. Grimlock leads Scorn (who hasn't gotten paid work since Jurrassic Park 3), Slag (who misspells his name Slog), and Strafe (who must have been too dumb so they kicked him out of the Technobots because Swoop couldn't put 2 heads together to make the casting call for the movie). Well, they are out there, living in the jungles outside of Hong Kong (where they get child-laborers to tend to their parts for slave wages every day so they can one day go to America and make the pilgrimage to Target, Wal-Mart, and Toys R Us which every observant "Great Warrior" must.

Autobots - without Optimus Prime, Hound, BumbleBee, Cross-Hairs, and former Decepticon triple-changer (and Springer knock-off?) will read and argue over fortune cookies, and ought to be too afraid to hunt down Galvatron's "Stunticons" because reforming pinballs are really hard to destroy, but somehow they were once used to make a broken down 70's Camarro which transforms normally anyway. Of course there are rumors that new characters that we just didn't see were always around and not scrapped by "Cemetary Wind," like:

Hot Rod
Wreck-Gar (or will Optimus meet him on his space trip?
Ultra Magnus (who is cool as long as they don't ruin his established character)

Arcee was killed as a triplet set of neon motorcycles, but we might presume one or even two of those survived ROTF.

Of course, Hasbro can just invent more characters to sell us toys (if they look cool). But would hate for more established characters to be overlooked.

SideSwipe - we never found out if Cemetery Wind got him. I think not the way they made him fight in ROTF and DOTM.

As to Combiner Wars in film?

Devastator might have been destroyed.
Menasor ought to be made from all Galvatron's auto minions.

Brawl was called Devastator and destroyed. Or another tank as Brawl could come back.
Vortex is another BlackOut or Grindor.
Swindle - if seen, is infinitely smaller than the others (Autobot sized unless a Hum-Vee, but still small even then) - and must have character!
Blast-off - should be a new shape than an F-22
Onslaught was kind of offered as Megatron's tanker truck, but could be done differently and cool.

The Arialbots should not form Superion mid-air like they are Power Rangers. I don't want to see that. Form on the ground like Devastator did.

The Protectobots - ditto. But if you use small stuff like police cars, Streetwise and Prowl could combine to form ONE arm. keep Defensor believeable.

Metroplex, Trypticon, and Unicron? Save for TF 6 and 7 probably. It would signal the end of the movies, as there is no topping them.

But Michael Bay should also play a human character in the film and have one line where he tells everyone how awesome he is!

Other Humans:

Sam - if he returns, Carly needs to. And they need to have a son, Daniel. The last one can be a juvenile delinquent like his father would behave as in real life. A perfect match up for Hot Rod. They can be introduced when Streetwise, Groove, and Prowl take them into custody.

Carly - return. She's not a brilliant actress, but Rosie is part of the TF lore.

Mikaela - rumors are she could return. She can be with BumbleBee but not cause Sam to leave or cheat on Carly. If Sam was in a James Bond movie, then yes. But he's not Tony Stark either.

The Witwickys. Yes. I want to see the parents drink more.

Josh Duhamel
Tyrese Gibson

Both yes.

I want to see the Autrailian girl hacker and Anthony Anderson come back.

So should Bill O'Reiley and John Turturro's Sector 7 guy.

New cast:

Mark Wahlberg - yes - if he says "I'm an inventor" at least every half an hour of the 3.5 hour movie. In case we forget. Although he did not invent reading from a bad script.

Nicole - whatever - yes. She should be into racing with her Irish boyfriend and they are cheating using Cross-Hairs and meet Daniel Witwicky because he enters Hot Rod to expose them. Nicole should wear even tinier shorts in this movie.

Joshua dude - yeah. He can work for Grimlock and be inventing him Snarl and Sludge since they weren't in the 4th movie and Slash since they made a toy. But to fund it, he will have opened a theme park on an island off the coast of Costa Rica until the Dinobots go on strike, threatening the success of the island, which is when they call in the Autobots to help and Jeff Goldblum and Sam O'Niel have to accompany them. But when "Malcolm" explains chaos theory, that's when Galvatron shows up with Menasaur, but he has to rethink that when Grimlock beats him up.

Then suddenly, Nicole, Megan Fox, and Rosie...on top of BumbleBee - cut to a sunset and Optimus Prime off in space to set up the next movie.

Bel-Cam Jos

Jedi Council Member
Aug 16, 2001
Where 'text' & 'friend' are nouns
So, the 5th film was The Last Knight, eh? I saw it today. I am usually able to understand movies, even if I am not entirely certain of all the plot aspects or characterization. But this, this was confusing to say the least. People move pretty fast, are surprisingly durable when being blasted at by lasers and thrown about via explosions in low-air places or sub-sea locales. Dialogue isn't even Lucas-level bad; lame one-liners a-plenty. Typical gratuitous visuals. Things just happen, despite logic or smooth storytelling, which often are considered in a plot. And then, it's over so the credits can roll... out. Much, much less than met my eyes.

But, based on the previous reviews, this is no surprise to anybody. Too bad.